Wheelistically @ Claire.NU

Yet another late night conversation.…

“I really wish I had that big lemon…”

“Why?”

“I dunno, [laughter] I just really wish I’d had it”

“But, why?”

“I dunno, [laughter]. If you’d have let me steal it, I could’ve had it. [laughter] It was bril­liant, I bet someone else stole it — I bet a silly child was the one who would have stolen it and wouldn’t even have appre­ci­ated it for the lemon that it was!”

[more laughter]

“Why would you want to steal a big lemon?”

“Cuz it was so big! I wanted to steal it, I was going to steal it, that’s why I broke it off [the lemon tree], it wasn’t by acci­dent, I did it on pur­pose because I wanted it.”

[laugh­ing] “I know, I saw you — you went: ‘SNAP *does accom­pan­ied snaping/braking hand move­ment* Ooops!’ ”

[laugh­ing] “I know! Did you see me? Was I not discreet?”

[laugh­ing hard] “No!”

“You wouldn’t let me steal it though, I wanted it — it was so good, even that couple behind us remarked on it. I wanted to put in down the side of your wheel­chair, but I could see that you weren’t in on it — you didn’t approve. You just scowled at me…”

[laugh­ing harder and inter­rupt­ing] “I couldn’t let you steal a lemon from a lemon tree in Van Hage’s!”

[con­tinu­ing] “… I held it for a while, I wanted to stay and keep it, that’s why I lingered there for so long, I didn’t want to leave, but you — you just kept scowl­ing and frown­ing at me and telling me to ‘come on’ — I wanted to buy the lemon tree just so that I could have that big lemon, but I knew it would never fit in the car.…”

[inter­rupt­ing, screech­ing with laughter] “Where would we’ve put it? In the corner of the bedroom?!”

“No! [indig­nantly] We could have put it in the garden, or in my Nan’s garden, if it didn’t fit — and I could go and visit.”

[more laughter from me, laughter then dies down and there’s a long pause before K says:]

“So, did you like the lemon?”

[laugh­ing again] “What?!”

“Did you?”

“No, not really!”

“But why? It was a per­fect lemon!”

“This is ridicu­lous… why would I par­tic­u­lary like a lemon?”

“Did you not like it because it was so big?”

“No, I told you, dis­tor­tion in terms of size both­ers me, I don’t like over-sized things”

“Oh, like that ham­ster thing…So, did you not like the guinea pigs then, ‘cuz they’re like giant hamsters…?”

“No, I was ok with the guinea pigs, because they’re guinea pigs, not giant ham­sters. Now, if there were giant guinea pigs…”

[inter­rupts] “So, you don’t like it because it was big… So, if it was small, if it was like, a really small minature one and cute, would you have liked it?” [laughter]

“What you mean, the same as the other lem­ons, just mini, but still ripe?…Ummm, yeah, prob­ably.” [laughter]

“I can’t believe you didn’t like it though…”

[laugh­ing hard] “You do real­ise I’m going to have to blog about this, don’t you?”

[laugh­ing harder] “Oh no! I knew you were gonna do that!”

“I’m busy try­ing to com­mit this con­ver­sa­tion to memory” [laughing]

“No, don’t — They’ll think I’m retarded!” [col­lapses in giggles]

“No they won’t, it’s funny — they’ll be laugh­ing with you, not at you…”

“No they won’t, they’ll be laugh­ing with you, laugh­ing at me!”

[Hys­ter­ical giggles fol­low and then die down…after another pause:]

“So any­way, away from blog­ging… Did you really not like that lemon?“