Wheelistically @ Claire.NU

There’s not much hap­pen­ing this end, we’re just try­ing to get back to sense of nor­mal­ity after 6 months of Hell. I thor­oughly recom­mend avoid­ing Redund­ancy, where pos­sible. You know, with the same rigour and enthu­si­asm that you would read­ily util­ise to avoid gen­ital warts.

Thank­fully the end of the saga is nigh and we are focused and com­mit­ted to get­ting ourselves out of this dread­ful and rather unex­pec­ted mess. K’s claim des­cen­ded into chaos over these last few weeks when she was summoned to do Jury Duty. Des­pite telling all and sun­dry and turn­ing up at the Job Centre with all the rel­ev­ant and required gub­bins, they still man­aged to cock up roy­ally and sus­pend her claim because she failed to turn up and sign on. Really, did she not turn up? That’s a shock, per­haps it had some­thing to do with the fact that she was sit­ting in a court room as a juror like we told you, D’ya re’mber? Eejits.

For­tu­nately, yes­ter­day was a his­toric day. As of that blessed day, we are no longer Dole Scum. K duti­fully went to return her “sign­ing on” book, along with the standard-issue head lice, gobby stance and ambi­val­ent con­vic­tion that the world owes her a liv­ing that was provided cour­tesy of the DWP’s “How To Be A Scummy Bas­tard” Starter Pack.

How­ever, she seems to be stub­bornly cling­ing onto the com­ple­ment­ary ran­cid teeth and is cur­rently agon­ising over a very awk­ward and excru­ci­at­ing par­tial extrac­tion (she had root canal treat­ment on that very same tooth sev­eral years ago. Sadly, it’s all gone to the dogs since then) and she is now con­fined to tins of baby food and garg­ling copi­ous volumes of salt water until the dent­ist has another bash at remov­ing the remain­ing frag­ments on Wed­nes­day. Poor little mite.

When at the Job Centre yes­ter­day, K was made to wait for almost an hour as all the mem­bers of staff milled around aim­lessly cluck­ing “Ooh, there’s a lot of people in today, isn’t there?” to one another, truly bewildered. Yes, there is a lot of people. Here’s a rad­ical idea, how about instead of gap­ing in amazement, you actu­ally make a point of call­ing and see­ing them so that the queue goes down? Might be a start, eh?

Hav­ing then offi­cially signed off, K was asked if she wanted to keep her book AS A SOUVENIR. I kid you not. Oh yes please, we want to frame it and give it pride of place on the mantle, under­lined by a little brass plaque that reads: IN LOVING MEMORY OF OUR MENTAL HEALTH.